They say this Straight Shaft Grass Trimmer is one bad mother.
It's the year 2014. How many people still know about the films of yesteryear? Those glorious low-budget masterpieces that inspired the big budget bombs of today? There was a time when all you needed was a catchy theme song, a permit to film inside the city limits, a cool muscle car, and a dream.
Take, for example, this Hitachi Grass Trimmer with a Straight Shaft. Once upon a time you'd give this puppy a leather jacket and a kidnapped girlfriend and you'd have two solid acts written before you could fire up the reliable and easy-pulling S-Start System! You'd have the establishing done during the credits, then right to the car chase, then maybe some relaxing moments showing off the 21cc Commercial-Grade Engine, then over to the Lieutenant's office to set up the plot, then right to the bad guy's lair, then boom! A fight scene! Today you wouldn't even see that until the start of the third act! The whole beginning would be taken up with sigh character studies!
What even happened to the American movie system, huh? Let's stop pretending we're European or something and get back to what made this country great. Fast cars, clear protagonists, angry antagonists who just need a stern talking to and a nice Hitachi Grass Trimmer in the lead, to keep Middle America watching.
After all, it's not rocket science! It's a movie about rocket science!