Oh yea oh yea! Another bidet!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! I, the official town crier for this municipality, do hereby announce the opening of Ye Olde Bidettery at the corner of Horehound and Licorice! Unlike our competition, Ye Olde Bidettery offers only the finest Tank Heating System with a patented 3-in-1 Vortex Technology Nozzle, steps beyond what they offer at, say, Jefferson's Outhouse Emporium.
HEAR YE FURTHER! I, the official town crier, invite all citizens to enjoy the fulfilling posterior wash of Ye Old Bidettery, leaving each posterior as fresh and clean as the green green grass just after a fine summer shower! Unlike, say, the chairs at T'Elite Papyrus, the Egyptian-themed toilet chain. "Poop like a pharaoh!" they say. But did any pharaoh ever offer Bubble Infusion and an Oscillating Wash?
HEAR YE! Come on down to the corner of Horehound and Licorice and try out Ye Olde Bidettery! Free peppermint hard candy with every visit! Just like George Washington used, according to our official on-site bidetgrapher! Come one, come all, come now! HEAR YE! HEAR YE!