Despite the temptation, please do NOT use a Tekton Air Hose Reel as a way to store your pet snake during hibernation. Hose only.

Okay, okay, can I have everyone's attention? I'd like the little garden snakes over there, and the big boas over by the tree, and all you air hoses that came with the Tekton Air Hose Reels, you go down by the sidewalk down there. Once you're in place, we'll start handing out numbers. Okay? Great!

Okay, so, everybody, welcome to the 1st Annual Hiss Off! It's a pretty good turnout, not great, but we didn't really advertise, so that's on us, right? So, let's go ahead and discuss the ground rules here. Snakes, you'll be up first, and try to slither right up to the microphone because the hissometer is wired through the speaker. You want to get that needle into the red, okay? The louder you hiss, the better it gets.

Tekton Air Hose Reels, same rules, but please take a minute to check your 8-position ratchet gear before you start. You want to be uncoiled to your maximum preferred length so you can hiss properly. According to the list you can handle up to 250 PSI, so your hiss should be nice and loud if you do it right.

Oh, and snakes, can we divide you into venom and non-venom? I know, I know, it's kind of archaic in this day and age but we're being sponsored and... well, let's just do it and talk bad about each other at the afterparty, okay? Thanks, superstars, you're all the greatest. Oh, Donald, a quick word in the back? It seems there's a rumor you might be an amphibian so we'll need to you meet with our herpetologist before you're allowed to compete.

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